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| So many people have been splitting up lately. I know 4 couples that have been going out for a long time, and suddenly have split up. I really don't see why... They were all happy looking... | | |
| I've always avoided conflict in everything I do. Sometimes conflict occurs and I guess I'm not as able to deal with it. Some how after breaking my arm. I feel even more so that way. I feel the lack of ability to get into the mix. Let alone risk getting injuried again. Perhaps it was the xray I saw of my arm after 4 weeks. A boulge had formed where the break was, but the crack was still visable. Though the doctor said it was healed, he said I may need a steel plate if it doesn't improve. I think when he said that which I actually don't think he's all that great of a doctor. In fact I think he's incompetent, why would he add that last comment, when he already said it's healed. I'll have to change my appointment to a better less ugly doctor. I've been growing a mustache lately. It's taken a 2 months, and its pretty noticeable now. I think it definitely makes my face look older, at the same time i'm not sure if I want to look this way anymore. Perhaps it's time to shave. Lately I've been getting the feeling of loneliness. Like no one understands me. At the same time, I just want to be alone for a while with no responsabilities, to reflect on what I need to do. I think I've just been too shocked lately with shit. I feel like I have no one I can trust to discuss the things I have experienced as of late, and that is perhaps what alienates me. That's the top thing on my list of things to do. To get these loads of my shoulders. As well as get my shoulder checked out. Philosophy seems like a good class. However, I feel that I am overwhelmed. Artsci courses are harder then I imaged. Since I haven't been asked my opinion in a while. I find it's hard to stay on my stand points. I bend alittle too much for people, I think its time to do what I desire. Dan | | |
| BLoG, long time since I made one.
Some may ask what's taken you so long to return to blogging. Well There were many reasons, I lost my appetit for blogging back when all that nasty business happened back in first year. Since then I never really wanted to let everyone know how I've been, or what's been up.
So I guess the best thing to do is to start from the start and work backwards.
Februrary 2006:
I got my PEY job placement, and currently I work for a small software company named ALT software. I'm very happy that I got this position because it marks the first job I've ever gotten where I actually sit all day and use my brain. I don't officially start until May 8.
So grades don't really matter. Even with a low average I still landed one of the best jobs.
March 2006:
Gradual slide in my grades and performance. I'm not liking what I'm learning so I decide it's best that I try not to learn it... backwards logic? Perhaps. Also I got addicted to Ragnarok again*, which is causing tension in my relationship with Winnie. But I needed to escape, and I am doing that.
April 2006:
Exams, fucken exams. Well theses are always the make or breakers, started hanging out with different people during this time to study. Didn't really help since they are slackers and they are smart enough to not get stuck on the little things. I also learned that I learn best from the beginning. Lots of catch up time. And I'm still playing tons of RO and I cant seem to stop. Maybe it's the fact that I know I'm going to fuck up and that I got no place to live after alex leaves for the US. Which reminds me I have to find a place asap. This whole engineering thing has raped me of my creative interactive side. I have lost my skills of communication and what artistic talent / willingness to strive I use to have. I have virtually lost all contact with people I use to care about, and I don't even know how to begin to get to know them again.
May 2006:
Start of work. The lack of training they give me scares me. I get a bunch of shitty projects, ones that are not as challenging as I would like, and I get a crappy spot to sit. Within 2 weeks I am transfered to the next building. Here I have more fun since it seems more challenging, and they are more willing to teach me. Here a huge weight was lifted off my sholders I passed everything, every single course and i got over 60 average. Sweet, bring on the work bitches bring it on! Went to Megan's birthday party, her second already, and she's so big now and can talk and run around. Dam i havent' seen her in months, what a crap ass uncle I am. This pretty much goes with all the things to do with my family. FOr some fucked up reason my parent's moved back together, so that's another messed up thing i dont get, but what ever. I also moved to Irwin and Leo's place, which wasn't too bad if it weren't for Leo's constant bitching about stuff. I should remind him I pay the most rent of us all, and he's already complaining about internet usage and shit. How rediculus. I keep forgeting to lock the front door, so i put up some stickers to remind myself.
June 2006:
Got transfered again. This time I'm sitting right next to my team lead. Jeez what a bummer this guy is nice, but still I can't really get anywhere on this project which involves embeded systems and OpenGL without asking him a question every few mins. I now have a window seat which is a bonus. My 22nd birthday. What an interesting day I saw lord of the rings the musical with winnie. it was pretty good. But besides that nothing too extreme happened. I was not ready to celebrate it, with the guys. On friday of that week, zi's birthday occured he had a big party, and i felt quit jealous. Saw a bunch of people there from the past, I didn't really know how to interact with them. There is an imaginary timer i see now when talking to people. And it doesn't last for more then 30 seconds, it seems that if 30 seconds are up no matter what were talking about i feel like i need to move on. Which is weird cuz it makes people feel rushed, and i feel rushed though really I have no where to go and neither do they, so wtf why would I feel rushed when one one is really rushed. Time to blame dad again. I've been playing soccer every day for the pass 2 weeks. And Aiki I finally got my orange belt. Too bad I broke my arm. FUCK how does one break their arm playing soccer. As a result I missed my green belt test, and now i Have a fucked up arm. The result of this fucked up arm has been my lack of sleep. I can't sleep at all. At night i keep dreaming and when I dream it's so real that it feels i'm awake. this makes me tired as hell for work and I cant really think. I fractured my radius bone. And now i got a dam cast on for the rest of this month and most of next month. Some jack ass i dont even know fouled me, and i tripped, for got my jujitsu training for a second (never could roll very well on my left, though the exact same shit happened 20 mins before i broke my left arm, i fell on my right the same way and rolled gracefully with out a scratch) and just stuck my arm straight out like a noob. And i got what sensai and shihan as ways said would happen if i didn't roll after a throw, a broken arm. What was a real eye opener was the fact that mike, ray, and luan stayed with me the entire time i was in ER. That was so unexpected. though I would with out a doubt stick with them if something happened to them, I was not expecting that they would do the same for me. I was really surprised mike came along, since he gave me so much additude at canadian tire when i bought my cleats from him. I thought he hated me for some reason. Work has been a royal pain after this accident. 4 days after i had my accident, the company needed everyone to help them release their driver ORION. This meant that i pulled an allnighter for thrusday, a 23+ hour shift, and I came in on saturday for 14+ hour shift. I was not very happy about that, but thankfully, everyone here who works here is very nice and easy to get along with, so the hours just few by. As a consolation they gave me 6 days paid vacation, which I have yet to decide where to flock to. Also free wonderland in july with 3 guest. So in the end I guess I got a good deal.
July:
Had a really good July 1st, it was the most fun I have had in a while. Besides the fact that winnie seemed distant, and my cast, it was really fun. I still managed to play in the water a bit, and after chilling and barbeqing through the rain, and then the nice fireworks at night, it was a perfect day. Just made it feel good to be alive. I really look forward to something like that again. Still cant sleep very well. 14 more days until this god dam cast comes off and I can at last sleep. Saw superman yesterday which wasn't too bad, but then getting home after i took winnie home, was a annoying, since there were no streetcars, and when the car came there were 2 ladies arguing about something which resulted in another 5 min delay.
something I have set in my mind. I'm not going to let this injury ruin my aiki jujitsu. I'm going to learn a new language and relearn cantonese/manderin. I'm going to become very very very good at openGL, going to loose this gut fat, play soccer again and enjoy my days more, by going to work earilier.
To those people I havent talked to in a while. I hope your doing well. And give me a call sometime. Well that's a good 20 mins. thanks for your time.
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| too bad that wasn't me blogging... it's my bum bum | | |
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